when september ends ...

i washed your mattress & duvet cover today.
the hello kitty and the other you splashed paints on.
i held them and they say "you miss me?"
"i well do"

có rất nhiều đêm London không ru người ta ngủ.
từ 1 tháng, thành 2, rồi gần 3 tháng, giờ chỉ là 1 tuần....
thời gian kì thật.

hôm nay mẹ hỏi : " có buồn` không con? "

cười : " có sách để đọc, việc nhà để  làm, thức ăn để nấu, internet xem phim, gia đình để nhớ, người yêu để chờ. . .

            mẹ còn lo chi? "

            :)

. .

i hvnt given up on it
keep reminding myself "try harder!!spin harder you stupid bitch!!!"
but still there are times i think of let it go... just like you.
sleepless nights think of the existence,yours..
mere. vague
not tangible but i still am able to picture the smell and sentiment, that soapy-ness.
fuck!




you wont believe this but i hate sleeping now
I DO
i screwed nights up reading, reading, questioning, scrambling nothingness and remembering.
like torturing slumbers, of disconnection maybe
when waiting is too hard to bear.
screwed!!












might happen that you think i ignore or am careless
but what should i do ???
while things are suffocating me here
and i deal with them by my bare hands and feet - all swollen
the missing and the lovesick i buried, in a drawer deepest down
not that i forget love, but i hide.
so forgive, if not forget this stupid me...











27.9.2010

was at Somerset House today
so many cool chicks and dicks, skinny!
me?
covered with borrowed outfitts and me empty wallet.
is broke again, whichever meaning you take.

hate my dry skin.... winter's conquering
HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT

14. 09. 2010

it's self-assuring to think there's someone there waiting for you
but what if there isnt?
.



i wanna go to london jazz festival, wanna buy polaroid, wanna refurbish my new nest, wanna have my haircut, wanna have love beside me.......
eventually just a greedy bitch.
to get all things wanted, first just work work work and then money comes.
.

it's been so long already
months have passed and going to
it seems you dont remember, but i do. now, every little thing..


.
will it get easier ?

a fish wish

...
...
...

*

had a "soapy" dream this afternoon
last night i couldnt sleep cause of sick thinking, no-reason worries n just simply couldnt help staring at the pitch blackness of the night.
imagined the existence of the other, 6000 miles away.
i heard cactus breathing deeply beside me.....inhale, exhale, inhale silently....


things have taken me to a whole new level
where i dont just know my limits but also know how to push it, keep pushing it,
harder.


i'm scared.
(pretty girls are everywhere so...lol)

Let's

...

 

kissmekissmekissmekissmekissme

dead.

let's dream a dream together, in it, walk with me, kiss, lets lying on the street, cactus, desserts, starry moony night, lets eat scoop n snog n papaya, we'll smell mochi, smell you, milky honey...

it's really hard to overcome time like this....

especially days not so self-conscious.
no one here understands anything.
anything at all.

Heart Skipped A Bit

mm

um, got yelled at work didn't  make me shed a tear,

but thinking of that person (yes, You!) make that liquid keep falling

encouragement from you worths millions time motivation ^^^^^^^^

after the brief talk with you

felt as if i could fly hehehehehehhe...though the way to work last night was goddamn tough...

anyway

well, mushy me >:D<

one more month............................

my neck is gettin longer longer longer...

36

 

it was a rainy today

despite that, i got to move all the stuff

each day passed, realize how important this turning point of being eighteen.

how to survive with just my bony self

off from work ealier today

walking in the pouring rain, normally it must feel quite sad (no?)

strangely nothing came to mind

feel nothing

other than hungry...

* (work work wink)

45.5 kg!!!

mustbe smth to make a toast after work nights n walking n more walking n all things happening...

been spinning like a bloody spindle latetly

let alone celebrating. dont hv anyone atm anyway

just a  note to pin down that "achievment"

shift time spent reading H.M novels 've got to realize solitude is unbearable

but pass it then survive...

've processed thinking to not demand or expect

much less tiring for everyone

well, dont require anymore, 
but just a thought, on nights like those recently, being locked out of current shelter till 5 in thmorning, wish i hv smbody, whom i could send a txt to, saying "im stuck .u still awake?"

just that is too enough already.

ah, btw met some ppl

that hits me with a thought that true femininity (also masculinity!) comes from within,

not through those damn flashy but shallow appearances.

the elephant vanishes. say no more

Hard-boiled and hard-luck

" Hanh phuc, nghia la mot cuoc doi khong bao gio phai cam thay rang, thuc ra ta chi co mot minh".

(Kitchen - B.Y)

----

im gonna buy i-D new issue and that book, no matter what
"Hard-boiled wonderland & the end of the world"...... :D
xxx

reading is sure a healthy way to get distracted from any unnecessary trivia happenings.