had a "soapy" dream this afternoon
last night i couldnt sleep cause of sick thinking, no-reason worries n just simply couldnt help staring at the pitch blackness of the night.
imagined the existence of the other, 6000 miles away.
i heard cactus breathing deeply beside me.....inhale, exhale, inhale silently....

things have taken me to a whole new level
where i dont just know my limits but also know how to push it, keep pushing it,

i'm scared.
(pretty girls are everywhere so...lol)





let's dream a dream together, in it, walk with me, kiss, lets lying on the street, cactus, desserts, starry moony night, lets eat scoop n snog n papaya, we'll smell mochi, smell you, milky honey...

it's really hard to overcome time like this....
especially days not so self-conscious.
no one here understands anything.
anything at all.


Heart Skipped A Bit


um, got yelled at work didn't  make me shed a tear,
but thinking of that person (yes, You!) make that liquid keep falling
encouragement from you worths millions time motivation ^^^^^^^^
after the brief talk with you
felt as if i could fly hehehehehehhe...though the way to work last night was goddamn tough...
well, mushy me >:D<
one more month............................
my neck is gettin longer longer longer...



it was a rainy today
despite that, i got to move all the stuff
each day passed, realize how important this turning point of being eighteen.
how to survive with just my bony self

off from work ealier today
walking in the pouring rain, normally it must feel quite sad (no?)
strangely nothing came to mind
feel nothing
other than hungry...


* (work work wink)

45.5 kg!!!
mustbe smth to make a toast after work nights n walking n more walking n all things happening...
been spinning like a bloody spindle latetly
let alone celebrating. dont hv anyone atm anyway

just a  note to pin down that "achievment"
shift time spent reading H.M novels 've got to realize solitude is unbearable
but pass it then survive...
've processed thinking to not demand or expect
much less tiring for everyone
well, dont require anymore, 
but just a thought, on nights like those recently, being locked out of current shelter till 5 in thmorning, wish i hv smbody, whom i could send a txt to, saying "im stuck .u still awake?"
just that is too enough already.

ah, btw met some ppl
that hits me with a thought that true femininity (also masculinity!) comes from within,
not through those damn flashy but shallow appearances.
the elephant vanishes. say no more


Hard-boiled and hard-luck

" Hanh phuc, nghia la mot cuoc doi khong bao gio phai cam thay rang, thuc ra ta chi co mot minh".
(Kitchen - B.Y)


im gonna buy i-D new issue and that book, no matter what
"Hard-boiled wonderland & the end of the world"...... :D

reading is sure a healthy way to get distracted from any unnecessary trivia happenings.



how long i have to tame my hunger like this?
wasabi yes wasabi
exactly like sniffing wasabi.


3 coco 3 coco


I walked. I walked.
And I walked.
swollen feet distract hungry mind.

why you ppl keep going back & forth even you made promises?
been compromising & negotiating in the calmest way I could EVER EVER EVER be!!
all at once, you two bitches screw everything up while other's trying tirelessly to settle not just for themselve but for yr fucking self as well?
do ppl hv to suck that much?
till when then??????????????????????????????????????????????


oh honey honey..."
where the fuck are you


Pls bring some sunshine here
gloomy doomy dull kills
still summer but chilly already...

Ppl make me a housing guru :D
Feel no more than a hard-boiled egg, salty.



Day 19

I started to feel nothing abt time now.
I made a proper mixed omelette this afternoon.
I was lost in Hackney for quite some time.
I didnt fullfil 5 of the day. Instead I got yummy soya yogurt.

I keep thinking about it every - single - day.
Widen the shallow, narrow mind.
And I k m y...



began talking to meself more & more often
another human amazing ability.

it's oh-so-quiet here.



keep humming this all night @.@

There was this gypsy woman sitting in front of the station every late afternoon.
Just sitting there, sometimes with a can of coke, a finished bottle of wine or other times buried in her smoking ashes.
When I walked by, she looked at me in an eerie way. The kind of staring from underdogs.
But this afternoon, I passed, she was still sitting there, sleeping.
People kept rushing for their tubes, and she kept sleeping, angelic in her own way (to others might not, but that was my face-of-the-day).

There was this old man who swept and cleaned the street I go through everyday.
Salt and pepper hair.
He was enjoying his cig in the grimed corner of that street, besides two large garbage bins.

There was this surely-drunken man, lying on the bridge.
When I walked by, he pointed to nowhere and said "China's over there. I know it"....

And there was this one, trapped herself in the stuffy room, listening to others' steps to work every morning. She doesn't want to wait, try and love in vain, but......; wonders how many other times she has to walk across the bridge, pretending there's that person, til that day??

Those past few days she has noticed girls often smiled at her on the streets, not guys; has learnt that in order to not let others disappoint you, keep walking, to know how to pass a long day without disturbing the other person; and has found out that grilled red onion is absolutely beyond yummy-ness.

You know, really windy.





but not vice versa.