by Toshio Seaki.


i, too, i ................. !!!

added: 27/12/2012

if i am sad, often, i come to the state of desiring to be un-sad. out of it. over it. behind it. in front of it. no, totally out of it.
and when i actually attempt to reach it,
i doubt myself if i was even any sad before.

ice-cream is sweeet
so why do i bother !



by Ai Wei Wei .

no sound. no sound

it''s a silent tête-à-tête

when the trauma happened, all my feelings were boxed somewhere, of which I do not know, but was so sure of its detachment. What's left is a corpse of my heart, ..., burnt.


" Co le toi da co rat nhieu, rat nhieu nhung can bep nhu the. Trong tim minh, hoac trong thuc tai. Hoac o mot noi rat xa ma toi se toi. Can bep chi co mot minh toi, hay co rat nhieu nguoi nua, hay chi co hai nguoi. Chac chan, toi se co rat nhieu, o tat ca nhung noi ma toi song. "

(Kitchen - Banana Yoshimoto)


why ?


Screen still - 'The skin I live in'
a film by Almodovar.


Tilda Swinton & Schiaparelli clawed gloves / 1936
- 'The Imposible Wardrobe' performance



 necklace by COS



"Curry without potato is terribly tasteless".

best quote from the drama i''m watching. best !


A new bruise.
but it is ok. always.

'Empty Words' by Jurg Lehni & Alex Rich


Untitled II 1967.

Cy Twombly.

Francesco Clemente


muted appearance.
aesthetical indigestion.
fried red pepper + courgette + carrot + (a bit) broccoli + dried salted beef pieces.

kiss the mirror.

seeded bread + (pea+mint) humous on bus 15.


- via void()-


I was reading a Chiharo Shiota's book yesterday afternoon.
Something about her written emotions

really touched me

After the performance I always wash my body. Dirt upon dirt is everywhere. I try to wash myself, but it does not become better. Or I am already clean, but something stayed. [...]  I have the impression that my body is abandoning me. It is not an answer or a question about death; only my body is in a condition to accept anything. Even death. When I look at the blue sky or the ocean, I am overwhelmed by the same emotion. It is similar to the emotion after finishing a performance.  Something I cannot wash away… I still do not know what it is.

Diaspora – you know already what that means. Originally, in Greek, it meant “to disperse seeds”. It was a designation for the expelled Jews, and later came to be used for people who have a shared cultural heritage but have been forced to leave their native country and are now living in different places without the possibility of returning.  These people are scattered to the four winds, only certain that their bodies cannot be snatched away from them.

p. 79
It seems to me that there is no way back, no matter where I go.
I feel there is something common between the silence of the burnt piano and the silence on my way home, and that this is deeply hidden in my heart.
The threads are interwoven into each other. Get entangled. Are torn apart. And disentangle themselves. It is like a mirror of feeling.

p. 131


Days later, the wind carried the smell of the extinguished fire over to us. I then felt, every time I smelled it, that the smoke made me lose my voice.
This happened twenty years ago. I always carry this silence with me. Deep in my heart. When I try to express it, I lack the necessary words. But the silence lasts. The more I think about it, the stronger it gets. The piano loses its voice, the painter does not paint any more, the musician stops making music.
They lose their function, but not their beauty. They even become more beautiful.
My true word has no sound.

L, my ass !!



Vase / Sack



painting by Matthew Feyld.

Actions like ritualistic shaking or repeating a specific sound in the form of a mantra or chant are known ways of approaching or achieving altered states, of releasing individuals into an ego-less, trance-like zone in which there is no sense of time and where sense of self is so diffused that it ceases to be self and becomes all.

(Extract from "Nothing"- edited by Graham Gussin & Ele Carpenter)



Yesterday early morning, I had a dream.

There was a spider, big, he must have been bigger than the size of a frying pan. Non-hairy,
Weaving his net, medium grey ; the "threads" looked, to me, like long and sturdy chains of liquorice candy. And it was a "he" spider, haha, really I have no idea why i just intrinsically knew that the spider is male.

Then he dropped to the floor; few things happened that I think not necessary to recall here. I struggled for quite a while to catch him and eventually, (heroically?), managed to actually killed him by dropping a spiral nonspecific object.

It was not scary to me, in any sense of scariness. but the dream has been struck in my head quite noticeably yesterday - especially, about the state of him -- weaving his mildly sensual grey-ish liquorice strings.

Almost felt I could reach and bite and eat and chew and taste those peculiar candy threads above me.




 Kirsten Owen by Jurgen Teller / 1998

* !

" Making something makes you want to make another. "




(via c.)


I am -in competition- with my self.


black meat series by Paul Kooiker.


" you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar "



my love/match at first sight,
and also..
on xmas wish list !

teardrop ring by COS.






(handstand, 2011, taila trechit)


i am
really moody
instead of
wasting the whole day for no good 'seasoning'
i read some John Cage's.

 " Searching (outloud) for a way to read. Changing frequency. Going up and then going down: going to extremes. [...] A new breadth for each new event. Any event that follows a space is a new event. Making music by reading outloud. To read. To breathe. IV: equation between letters and silence. Making language saying nothing at all. What's in mind is to stay up all night reading. "

suddenly i want to watch some horrors tonight
to kill
or not to kill
that's actually -
not the question.

mass storage


u melt
i melt
but we can't
- together


daylight i enjoy
so why sleep-talk ?




sometimes - urges of forcing myself to be emotionally distant. to detach all sentiments for, say, an object, a situation, a happening, people, whatever is melting me inside. to balance my imbalance, that  - my weakest point - weekness of losing control over emotional fluctuation.

detachment is almost as important as getting attached.

when you get closer to someone, also need to have the tinge sense of knowing how to not get close to that someone at the same time. so you won't absorb too much. or won't get wet.

close-ness gets scary sometimes.

ya, maybe.

i i i i i i i    i i i i     i   i i   iii   iiiiiiiiiiii i iiii    i   i  i



Người Lào có câu : "Muốn nhanh thì phải từ từ " .


(John Baldessari)


i wanna go to a white place with a loved one.
a total white / blank place,
where we are up high,
things and the sky are total white,
fill the space with love wine.