You are the bridge over troubled water . Used to, but not anymore!

If being pure at heart helps,
then truth is,
I still love you...

The Unbearable Lightness of Being Trailer - Juliette Binoche

I haven't read book with same title by Milan Kundera yet
but surely will,


Matthew Collings :: This Is Modern Art ep.2 (2/5)

how fragile she is
after i watched this.

"Maybe I don't believe things myself, as well. Truth is such a transient thing.
(T. E)


Có gì đẹp trên đời hơn thế. 
 Người yêu người sống để yêu nhau...”
(T. H)


profoundly blue. . .



Yesterday, I so wanted to drink mulled wine, buy a cake and have a long talk with someone, within this christmasy air.But that someone've got plans with friends and so mine was simply ruined. 
Then a friend asked me out, she wanted to talk about her current love story. I said ok, I've nowhere to go anyway. So we went for a drink, then a light dinner, very light indeed. I didn't eat much, my stomach was not in the mood for meat or anything solid so for all those long hours, I just kept drinking the sweet taro soup and listening to her long long long story. 
It seems that love life isn't  quite a word for me ( I think about mylove and feel bitterly funny. It's a wicked dilemma) but quite a few still wanted to share with me their stories, passionately.

Then I looked around, someone I used to spend those seasonal moments with is with someone else or is somewhere, and Im here, ppl surrounding, chattering, but it was as if there's a translucent wall between me and those ppl, in this cosy restaurant.
My friend kept babling, and I was simply listening.
The restaurant closed early as it was christmas eve, so we walked around a while, we talked about love stuff, why it's so hard blablabla then we hugged and gave wishes to each other.
Then I took the train and walked back home.
Yesterday evening, I was totally alone. My flat was so quitet, I could hear the laughters clearly from the neighbours whom I hardly ever met. My flatmates were all out, and I was alone.

I ate a mini almond Magnum as a celebration, read for a while then went to bed.
I tried not to think about last christmas, cause even the idea of thinking about it makes me sad.

So that's it. I know it's awkwardly boring but I just wanted to type something and so I did.
I feel jazzy.
And everything's going to the beat......


à ơi em ngủ cho ngoan .......
" Có những lúc ngã lòng
Tôi vịn câu thơ mà đứng dậy".

(Phùng Quán)

So long .


Norwegian Wood (This Bird has Flown)

"And when I awoke, I was alone, this bird has flown
So I lit a fire, isn't it good, norwegian wood. "



these few weeks i havn't tried hard
no effort at all,
that's why now i'm in a middle of nowhere, my mind a mess, my stomach a stone and all over me are piles of homework bombarded with deadline next week and so onnnn.

today is the soap's birthday.
things are miles different as c'est la vie...
i understand that and truly wish the soap will find a better, fresher fragrance himself, soon.
i stopped asking myself why it's like this and that
everything happens for a reason
and i believe this is for the best.
this is a secret: tonight i came back home, opened up the old photos, i cried, my shoulders shaking, exactly like that time - the beginning of last summer - when i realized i was wholly on my own.
well, those are all memories now.

i really need to focus on studying now, i feel so behind.
saying "cos i hv work so i dont hv time for drawing" is honestly a pathetic excuse
i WON"T let laziness win.
really need to try harder and make believe.
what did i just type? well whatever.

we create our own luck.


I wanna go home .


đời buồn tênh !

(nhẩy chân sáo)....

. . .





Model-turned culinary Artist at Restaurant Maní - Helena Rizzo - "Brazil's Queen Chef".

it's been a rocky road.
a really rocky one, love.

isn't it the more rocky it gets, the more we crave?

" treat people the way you want to be treated"...said Soap.
sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
too bad right

Today I dream about Honey Bee.


Voilà - Françoise Hardy (1967)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


baby, it's cold outside.


i love chesnut, cinnamon, black eyed beans, smell of musk, mustard the colour.
i like basil, seeds, and quiet-ness with you.


there are stuff i want to remember and i do
you don't have to remember everything.


my mind a mess today.
i sat in library, self-studied, eyes on paper but all floating.
swinging, hands withering.

i doubt.


know i shouldnt but  miss the embraces.
lovely warm embraces.
like grilled sweet potatoes.




"she's so full of life"
...why not?

sooooooooooooo cuteee

(by anna morosini)

wouldn't it be nice
. . .



Watermelon umbrellas ...

can't find this film trailer...

don't you be a round-a-bout

the old films dont taste the same when I watch them over alone.

Winter has finally knocked the door.
"Knock knock!!"
"Who's there?"

i am , too.



shame, I missed it this summer :|

...watched it 1 year ago, with Soap, thanks to you, as always .

a sublimely worth-watching animation, i heart the graphical style so much, yet not forget the amazing backgrounds :xxxx


Bao nhiêu năm rồi còn mãi ra đi 
Đi đâu loanh quanh cho đời mỏi mệt 
Trên hai vai ta đôi vầng nhật nguyệt 
Rọi suốt trăm năm một cõi đi về

Lời nào của cây lời nào cỏ lạ 
Một chiều ngồi say, một đời thật nhẹ ngày qua 
Vừa tàn mùa xuân rồi tàn mùa hạ 
Một ngày đầu thu nghe chân ngựa về chốn xa 

Mây che trên đầu và nắng trên vai 
Đôi chân ta đi sông còn ở lại 
Con tinh yêu thương vô tình chợt gọi 
Lại thấy trong ta hiện bóng con người 

Nghe mưa nơi nầy lại nhớ mưa xa 
Mưa bay trong ta bay từng hạt nhỏ 
Trăm năm vô biên chưa từng hội ngộ 
Chẳng biết nơi nao là chốn quê nhà 

Đường chạy vòng quanh một vòng tiều tụy 
Một bờ cỏ non một bờ mộng mị ngày xưa 
Từng lời tà dương là lời một địa 
Từng lời bể sông nghe ra từ độ suối khe 

Trong khi ta về lại nhớ ta đi 
Đi lên non cao đi về biển rộng 
Đôi tay nhân gian chưa từng độ lượng 
Ngọn gió hoang vu thổi suốt xuân thì.....

(Trịnh Công Sơn)

Bad Things That Could Happen from This Is It on Vimeo.

love the egg scene.
and the props :x


4 . 11 . 2010

i stood still, my heart stood still, my love stood still.


all what's left is a wayward cloud ............................
and very windy indeed .


The Danish Poet

boring animated style but narrative communicates intriguingly :)  


me ...

in a very "LOL" moment .


Love and other Dilemmas

                                                                                                                                 [ photo by 朴白 ]

                                                               Love and other Dilemmas

                                                                   love and other dilemmas

                                                                    love alone is a dilemma


                                                                                  . . .

preeetty shaky

dear Soap,

" are you sure
you know how to love? "

i miss us


Les Triplettes de Belleville [Trailer] (2003)

i'm looking for this dvd
the animation is whimsical and of course, very quirky ;P

Trailer: The Illusionist

love the austere effect


wanna be a food illustrator .
keep that as a seed for now.
grow baby grow ^^


The Rime of the Ancient Mariner from Alice Tye on Vimeo.

A short film by Group 4 of 1st year Camberwell BA Illustration for the Cabaret project.
October 2010.


"Om Mani Padme Hum". . .

blue velvet

more or less
human, eventually, just a greedy creature .

I listened to "VCR" today, something melancholy inside.
easy whizzy.

need :
, polaroid 600
, imac
, children's book
, skirts
, vintage little stuff
, lush: skin drink

my oh my
no spending on food then .

Christian Joy from Claire Carre on Vimeo.



chef alex atala

wish that uni has food illustration project  *v*


feeling so blurred . . .

love or pure loneliness ?

dah dah dah




when september ends ...

i washed your mattress & duvet cover today.
the hello kitty and the other you splashed paints on.
i held them and they say "you miss me?"
"i well do"

có rất nhiều đêm London không ru người ta ngủ.
từ 1 tháng, thành 2, rồi gần 3 tháng, giờ chỉ là 1 tuần....
thời gian kì thật.

hôm nay mẹ hỏi : " có buồnkhông con? "
cười : " có sách để đọc, việc nhà để  làm, thức ăn để nấu, internet xem phim, gia đình để nhớ, người yêu để chờ. . .
            mẹ còn lo chi? "


. .

i hvnt given up on it
keep reminding myself "try harder!!spin harder you stupid bitch!!!"
but still there are times i think of let it go... just like you.
sleepless nights think of the existence,yours..
mere. vague
not tangible but i still am able to picture the smell and sentiment, that soapy-ness.

you wont believe this but i hate sleeping now
i screwed nights up reading, reading, questioning, scrambling nothingness and remembering.
like torturing slumbers, of disconnection maybe
when waiting is too hard to bear.

might happen that you think i ignore or am careless
but what should i do ???
while things are suffocating me here
and i deal with them by my bare hands and feet - all swollen
the missing and the lovesick i buried, in a drawer deepest down
not that i forget love, but i hide.
so forgive, if not forget this stupid me...



was at Somerset House today
so many cool chicks and dicks, skinny!
covered with borrowed outfitts and me empty wallet.
is broke again, whichever meaning you take.

hate my dry skin.... winter's conquering


14. 09. 2010

it's self-assuring to think there's someone there waiting for you
but what if there isnt?

i wanna go to london jazz festival, wanna buy polaroid, wanna refurbish my new nest, wanna have my haircut, wanna have love beside me.......
eventually just a greedy bitch.
to get all things wanted, first just work work work and then money comes.

it's been so long already
months have passed and going to
it seems you dont remember, but i do. now, every little thing..

will it get easier ?


a fish wish




had a "soapy" dream this afternoon
last night i couldnt sleep cause of sick thinking, no-reason worries n just simply couldnt help staring at the pitch blackness of the night.
imagined the existence of the other, 6000 miles away.
i heard cactus breathing deeply beside me.....inhale, exhale, inhale silently....

things have taken me to a whole new level
where i dont just know my limits but also know how to push it, keep pushing it,

i'm scared.
(pretty girls are everywhere so...lol)





let's dream a dream together, in it, walk with me, kiss, lets lying on the street, cactus, desserts, starry moony night, lets eat scoop n snog n papaya, we'll smell mochi, smell you, milky honey...

it's really hard to overcome time like this....
especially days not so self-conscious.
no one here understands anything.
anything at all.


Heart Skipped A Bit


um, got yelled at work didn't  make me shed a tear,
but thinking of that person (yes, You!) make that liquid keep falling
encouragement from you worths millions time motivation ^^^^^^^^
after the brief talk with you
felt as if i could fly hehehehehehhe...though the way to work last night was goddamn tough...
well, mushy me >:D<
one more month............................
my neck is gettin longer longer longer...



it was a rainy today
despite that, i got to move all the stuff
each day passed, realize how important this turning point of being eighteen.
how to survive with just my bony self

off from work ealier today
walking in the pouring rain, normally it must feel quite sad (no?)
strangely nothing came to mind
feel nothing
other than hungry...


* (work work wink)

45.5 kg!!!
mustbe smth to make a toast after work nights n walking n more walking n all things happening...
been spinning like a bloody spindle latetly
let alone celebrating. dont hv anyone atm anyway

just a  note to pin down that "achievment"
shift time spent reading H.M novels 've got to realize solitude is unbearable
but pass it then survive...
've processed thinking to not demand or expect
much less tiring for everyone
well, dont require anymore, 
but just a thought, on nights like those recently, being locked out of current shelter till 5 in thmorning, wish i hv smbody, whom i could send a txt to, saying "im stuck .u still awake?"
just that is too enough already.

ah, btw met some ppl
that hits me with a thought that true femininity (also masculinity!) comes from within,
not through those damn flashy but shallow appearances.
the elephant vanishes. say no more


Hard-boiled and hard-luck

" Hanh phuc, nghia la mot cuoc doi khong bao gio phai cam thay rang, thuc ra ta chi co mot minh".
(Kitchen - B.Y)


im gonna buy i-D new issue and that book, no matter what
"Hard-boiled wonderland & the end of the world"...... :D

reading is sure a healthy way to get distracted from any unnecessary trivia happenings.



how long i have to tame my hunger like this?
wasabi yes wasabi
exactly like sniffing wasabi.


3 coco 3 coco


I walked. I walked.
And I walked.
swollen feet distract hungry mind.

why you ppl keep going back & forth even you made promises?
been compromising & negotiating in the calmest way I could EVER EVER EVER be!!
all at once, you two bitches screw everything up while other's trying tirelessly to settle not just for themselve but for yr fucking self as well?
do ppl hv to suck that much?
till when then??????????????????????????????????????????????


oh honey honey..."
where the fuck are you


Pls bring some sunshine here
gloomy doomy dull kills
still summer but chilly already...

Ppl make me a housing guru :D
Feel no more than a hard-boiled egg, salty.



Day 19

I started to feel nothing abt time now.
I made a proper mixed omelette this afternoon.
I was lost in Hackney for quite some time.
I didnt fullfil 5 of the day. Instead I got yummy soya yogurt.

I keep thinking about it every - single - day.
Widen the shallow, narrow mind.
And I k m y...



began talking to meself more & more often
another human amazing ability.

it's oh-so-quiet here.



keep humming this all night @.@

There was this gypsy woman sitting in front of the station every late afternoon.
Just sitting there, sometimes with a can of coke, a finished bottle of wine or other times buried in her smoking ashes.
When I walked by, she looked at me in an eerie way. The kind of staring from underdogs.
But this afternoon, I passed, she was still sitting there, sleeping.
People kept rushing for their tubes, and she kept sleeping, angelic in her own way (to others might not, but that was my face-of-the-day).

There was this old man who swept and cleaned the street I go through everyday.
Salt and pepper hair.
He was enjoying his cig in the grimed corner of that street, besides two large garbage bins.

There was this surely-drunken man, lying on the bridge.
When I walked by, he pointed to nowhere and said "China's over there. I know it"....

And there was this one, trapped herself in the stuffy room, listening to others' steps to work every morning. She doesn't want to wait, try and love in vain, but......; wonders how many other times she has to walk across the bridge, pretending there's that person, til that day??

Those past few days she has noticed girls often smiled at her on the streets, not guys; has learnt that in order to not let others disappoint you, keep walking, to know how to pass a long day without disturbing the other person; and has found out that grilled red onion is absolutely beyond yummy-ness.

You know, really windy.





but not vice versa.


the end?

cant breathe. cant eat (?). cant even walk to reach bathroom doorstep.
no energy.
no one here.
banana skins, peach cores, smoking ashes, tea bags, photos......
emotion hungry.
good chance for losing weight.

the fan's still running but ........