when september ends ...

i washed your mattress & duvet cover today.
the hello kitty and the other you splashed paints on.
i held them and they say "you miss me?"
"i well do"

có rất nhiều đêm London không ru người ta ngủ.
từ 1 tháng, thành 2, rồi gần 3 tháng, giờ chỉ là 1 tuần....
thời gian kì thật.

hôm nay mẹ hỏi : " có buồnkhông con? "
cười : " có sách để đọc, việc nhà để  làm, thức ăn để nấu, internet xem phim, gia đình để nhớ, người yêu để chờ. . .
            mẹ còn lo chi? "


. .

i hvnt given up on it
keep reminding myself "try harder!!spin harder you stupid bitch!!!"
but still there are times i think of let it go... just like you.
sleepless nights think of the existence,yours..
mere. vague
not tangible but i still am able to picture the smell and sentiment, that soapy-ness.

you wont believe this but i hate sleeping now
i screwed nights up reading, reading, questioning, scrambling nothingness and remembering.
like torturing slumbers, of disconnection maybe
when waiting is too hard to bear.

might happen that you think i ignore or am careless
but what should i do ???
while things are suffocating me here
and i deal with them by my bare hands and feet - all swollen
the missing and the lovesick i buried, in a drawer deepest down
not that i forget love, but i hide.
so forgive, if not forget this stupid me...



was at Somerset House today
so many cool chicks and dicks, skinny!
covered with borrowed outfitts and me empty wallet.
is broke again, whichever meaning you take.

hate my dry skin.... winter's conquering


14. 09. 2010

it's self-assuring to think there's someone there waiting for you
but what if there isnt?

i wanna go to london jazz festival, wanna buy polaroid, wanna refurbish my new nest, wanna have my haircut, wanna have love beside me.......
eventually just a greedy bitch.
to get all things wanted, first just work work work and then money comes.

it's been so long already
months have passed and going to
it seems you dont remember, but i do. now, every little thing..

will it get easier ?


a fish wish