. .

i hvnt given up on it
keep reminding myself "try harder!!spin harder you stupid bitch!!!"
but still there are times i think of let it go... just like you.
sleepless nights think of the existence,yours..
mere. vague
not tangible but i still am able to picture the smell and sentiment, that soapy-ness.
fuck!




you wont believe this but i hate sleeping now
I DO
i screwed nights up reading, reading, questioning, scrambling nothingness and remembering.
like torturing slumbers, of disconnection maybe
when waiting is too hard to bear.
screwed!!












might happen that you think i ignore or am careless
but what should i do ???
while things are suffocating me here
and i deal with them by my bare hands and feet - all swollen
the missing and the lovesick i buried, in a drawer deepest down
not that i forget love, but i hide.
so forgive, if not forget this stupid me...











27.9.2010